When Your Child Questions Their Worth
The other night, I was helping my 11-year-old, Cullen, comb his hair after his bath. I looked at him and said, “You’re so handsome.” Without missing a beat, he replied, “Then why doesn’t anyone want to date me?”
Now, before you panic—he’s only just stepped out of elementary school. Around this age, “dating” usually means passing notes back and forth, claiming someone is your “girlfriend” or “boyfriend,” and then moving on quickly. But what hit me wasn’t the dating comment—it was the heart behind it.
He already felt like his value was being measured by whether someone else thought he was worth choosing.
As his mom, my immediate reaction was: “That doesn’t mean you’re not handsome, and you don’t need to be worrying about dating right now.” But after a couple of days of thinking and praying on it, I realized I had been handed an important opportunity.
You see, when I was younger, I had similar thoughts. Little lies like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not wanted,” “I’m only valuable if someone says I am” crept in when I was his age. They took root because I never spoke them out loud. My mom never had the chance to speak truth to me in those moments. And so I believed those lies for years—long enough that they became tangled up in my identity. Even now, as an adult, I find myself having to unravel them with God’s truth.
I didn’t want Cullen to carry that same weight.
So I sat down with him and was transparent. I shared my own story and told him this:
“Your value does not come from who notices you, who likes you, or who doesn’t. You are valuable because God made you. You are loved because Jesus says so. You are kind, generous, and handsome regardless of whether another person says it or not. The Lord looks at the heart—not the outer appearance.”
The Bible says:
“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
As moms, we are on the front lines of truth-telling. Our kids are growing up in a world that shouts a thousand different lies about who they are and what makes them worthy. If we don’t intentionally speak God’s truth into their lives while they’re young, those lies can easily become the loudest voice they hear.
My encouragement for you today is this: Don’t wait until the teenage years to speak life over your children. When they’re small and those little doubts pop up, stop and address them. Share your own story. Remind them where their true worth comes from.
Because if they can learn young that their identity is rooted in Christ—not in popularity, not in looks, not in whether they’re chosen or overlooked—they will be far stronger when the storms of comparison and insecurity come.
Mamas, let’s raise children who know they are loved, seen, and chosen by God—no matter what the world says.
More Encouraging Scripture
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” – Song of Solomon 4:7
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.” – 1 John 3:1
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10
A Prayer to Pray Over Your Children
Father, thank You for the precious children You’ve entrusted to me. I declare that their worth and value are found in You alone. Guard their hearts from lies that say they are not enough or that their value depends on what others think. Let Your truth be louder than every other voice. Remind them daily that they are chosen, loved, and created on purpose for a purpose. I speak identity, confidence, and joy over them in Jesus’ name. Amen.
A Prayer to Pray With Your Children
Lord Jesus, thank You that You made me just the way You wanted. Thank You that I am loved and valuable to You. Help me remember that my worth doesn’t come from friends, popularity, or who likes me, but from being Your child. Teach me to see myself the way You see me—fearfully and wonderfully made. In Jesus’ name, amen.
